8:30 pm PST. This first day of Advent is nearly over. It snuck up on me… which, I suppose, is the whole point of setting apart this season: to force us to pay attention, turn our eyes toward Bethlehem, start looking for stars. In so, so many areas I find it too easy to drift along through days, weeks (through life, in fact) barely aware of anything outside my own little family, little house, little self.
Jesus does have a habit of catching me off-guard, though, in lots of ways. I’m sure he finds it very amusing that I am apparently so bad at learning the lesson of attentiveness!
I’m sure he also finds it interesting that for someone who still, deep down, thinks of herself as A Writer, I am such a truly terrible blogger. I mean, here it is, this perfect outlet for someone who thinks she has things to say that are worth putting in print (or at least in font) and sending out into the world…. and yet she rarely does. It’s a challenge for me; because the question is, do I really believe I have anything to say? Do I really believe it is worth recording? Worth sharing? And the truth is, I don’t know. It’s another concern (another calling?) that deserves, demands my attention.
So, this Advent, I’m going to try to pay attention, and I’m going to try (again) to be a blogger. On this sacred little square inch of cyberspace I’ll be recording my attempts, my reflections, and (most likely) my failures and frustrations as well. I’ll be following the star at http://www.followingthestar.com/, and I’ll be Christmas journaling with worldwide friends at http://www.shimelle.com/, and I’ll be crafting and shopping and wrapping and writing and baking and trying to remember that it is all for Something that is so much bigger than one dramatic day.
It’s not just about making stuff… it’s about the Maker. It’s not just about gifts, but about giving of myself. Not just about writing, but about the Word made flesh.
So will it work? Will I find him–and myself–somewhere along this dusty journey to the City of David? Will I hear his calling again, and will I once again take the next step to follow him?